Barbarian's Prize

Chapter One

Tiffany

It's cramped and dark. Arms and legs are piled onto me and there's an overwhelming stink of unwashed flesh in my nose. Sleep's hard to get, but I try, because sleep's the only escape I have.

Not today, though. A light shines on the cage and goes right to my eyes. I instinctively whimper at the flash of pain that shoots through my head.

One of the orange aliens with the rough skin points at me. He says something in his garbled language and I hear Kira suck in a breath. Oh no.

Not me. It was just a whimper. A small sound of distress. Nothing more.

Bodies peel back from me as the guard enters the cage. He grabs a handful of my hair-wild and sticking out in every direction since I haven't brushed it in over a week-and hauls me forward. Pain shoots through my head again, and even though I want to be silent, a small cry breaks from my lips.

"Don't scream," someone whispers.

It's too late for warnings, though. They're just looking for someone to pick on, and they picked me. The guards haul me forward and out of the storage bay where the captives are kept. I'm dragged down a hallway and then shoved through a door. I land on my hands and knees, and when I look up, there's another guard standing there. He smiles and shows needle-sharp teeth. His smile chills me, and when he grabs a handful of my hair and yanks me to my feet, I go.

Not me. Not me. Not me. The litany repeats in my mind as he touches his collar to loosen his clothing.

"Tiffany," he says, and points at the nearby cot, indicating I should lie down.

Not me. Not me. Please, not me.

"Hey, Tiffany?"

Josie's voice jerks me from my sleep. I sit up, my heart pounding. There's a cold sweat on my skin and my hair is sticking to my face. I push it back and try to act normal. "Mm?"

"You were having a nightmare," she says softly. "Didn't sound like a good one."

Just a dream. I'm no longer on the alien ship. I'm safe here on the ice planet. There's a cave full of big warriors who won't let anyone grab me and haul me down a hallway to rape me. They'd die before they let anyone try it. The little green men and their bodyguards are dead. I'm safe.

But . . . I don't feel safe. Haven't felt safe since the night I woke up and found out I was abducted by aliens.

I rub my eyes and lie back in my furs. "Thanks, Jo."

"Sure." She yawns loudly and I hear her roll over.

I stare up at the ceiling of my cave and the nubs of stalactites that decorate it. I can't sleep now. If I do, the aliens will be back in my dreams. I need to think about something else for a while. Maybe tanning. Or my plants. Work's good. Work keeps me too tired most nights to dream, so I throw myself into whatever task I'm working on 150 percent. I've been growing a row of the not-potatoes and they seem to be doing okay. I want to try and grow some hraku, too, but I need the seeds and everyone eats those as fast as the plant is harvested. Maybe I can hide some.

"Tiff?"

Josie's not asleep. This must mean it's time to talk. Normally I barely tolerate Josie's late-night musings, but tonight I welcome them. It means I don't have to be alone with my own head anymore. "What's up?"

"You think we're ever going to resonate?" Her voice is small.

It's a question Josie's asked before, and I'm not surprised. As the last two human women to not resonate to a barbarian, we feel a little left out of things. Or at least, Josie does. Me, I'm glad. I don't want to resonate. Resonance means babies and a mate. I don't mind the babies, but the thought of a mate utterly terrifies me.

"What do you think?" I ask her, pitching my voice low. Sound carries in the caves and I don't want anyone hearing our words.

"I think it can happen." Her voice is soft and sweet. She sighs and then I see her turn over in the darkness, putting her hand to her face and cupping it as she looks over at me. "Claire didn't resonate to Ereven until the holiday. And it took Megan a while to resonate to Cashol, remember? Not everyone resonates right away, so I think there's a chance for us."

And that's the difference between Josie and me. Josie's motivated by hope. She hopes someone's going to light up her khui one day and then she'll have a happy ever after. Me, I'm motivated by fear. I live in terror that it's going to happen to me and I'll be dragged to someone's bed once again, kicking and screaming.

Resonance is my biggest fear.

It's the way the sa-khui barbarians have children. Everyone on the planet has a khui-the symbiont that rewrites our systems to ensure we can survive on the harsh planet surface. I've noticed a few changes in my body-I'm stronger and less tired, the weather doesn't affect me as much, and I can't smell a lot of things anymore. My eyes glow blue like Josie's do, a sign that the khui is healthy inside.

The problem with the khui (or cootie, as we humans like to call it) is that it likes to match people up. It decides who's a perfect "baby match" for who, and makes them resonate. Resonance means the khui in your chest starts purring and it makes you crazy horny for your newfound mate until he impregnates you. According to everyone, there's no getting around it. You can't just will resonance to go away. It happens, and boom, end of story.

"Well, we know why you haven't resonated," I tell her. "Did your IUD fall out?"

"Not yet."

Not yet. It might never fall out, because there's no doctor to remove it. But Josie, again, is a creature of hope. I shake my head. "I just don't get why you find it romantic," I tell her, adjusting my blankets. "I don't want to resonate. I want choices."

She sighs again. "I guess because . . . it means family. You know? I never had a family of my own growing up. I went through eight foster homes by the time I was eighteen. No one ever wanted me . . . except for the wrong reasons." Her voice grows a little hard.

I wince, imagining those "wrong" reasons. Josie's got a round face and not much of a chest, but there's a sweet innocence to her that I can imagine attracts the wrong kind of attention. Poor Josie. "Well, you're a woman on a planet full of men. I'm sure someone will want you now."

"Nope, they all want you," she says with amusement. "And that's all right, because when the cootie picks, it won't matter. It'll take one look at someone in the tribe and bam. Instalove. And then we can be happy together and I'll have the family I always wanted."

"And you won't care that he never noticed you before then?" I ask, amused. Josie's painting such a rosy picture.

"Won't matter," she says with a yawn. "Past is past. Future's all that matters."

Another difference between Josie and me. I can't get over my past. I can't move on past the ship and the awful captivity. I can't move past rough hands touching me and forcing me down. I know Josie's optimism is hard-won. She's hinted at her awful, awful childhood and she was also raped on the ship. Josie cried for one night and then tucked the bad memories away. She didn't lose her sunshine.

I really wish I could be more like her. I want to move on, but I can't.

"Well, I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat," I tell her. "I wouldn't mind having an IUD." It'd mean no resonance, because even a cootie can't get past birth control.

"There has to be a reason why you haven't resonated!"

"Nope." I smooth my blankets. "No reason other than my body doesn't feel like having babies. Or maybe one of these guys isn't my perfect match. Don't know, don't care."

"You really don't care for one of the guys more than any of the others?"

"Nope."

"What about Hassen? He seems nice."

"Eh." They're all nice. They go out of their way to be nice.

"Taushen?"

"He's very . . . attentive." Too much so. Like in a smothering way.

She giggles. "Vaza?"

I snort. "Vaza would hit on anything with tits."

"Maybe that's why he hasn't hit on me," she muses.

We both break into giggles. Josie's biggest lament is that she doesn't have boobs. I don't think she needs them, because she's the sweetest, most giving person I've ever met, and the most cheerful. But I'm not a guy. I can't deny that the guys have been flocking to me a lot more than poor Josie.

Ironic, because I don't want any of the attention.

"What about Bek?" she asks with a yawn. "Didn't he try to give you the necklace he made for Claire?"

"Yeah." I don't like to think about Bek adding himself to my list of suitors. Guy clearly has no idea how to treat a lady. Bek's also a lot more hot-tempered than the others, and that worries me. We've been dropped on a planet full of big, brawny, seven-foot-tall men who are sex deprived. I'm always nice to the guys that leave me presents and I never try to show anyone preferential treatment. I keep them all at arm's length and never encourage anyone.

But I worry there will be a day when one of them snaps. When someone stops asking and starts taking.

"Imagine what would happen if you resonated to Bek!" she says in a scandalous whisper.

"I'd leave," I say flatly.

She gasps and sits up in her furs. "You'd what?"

"Shhh," I tell her, because Josie gets loud when she gets startled. "Seriously, Jo, be quiet!"

She lies back down and all is silent for a moment. I hear the endless drip from the interior of the cavern and the sound of someone shuffling around in the main cave, beyond the privacy screen that covers the entrance to our shared nook.

"You would really leave?" Josie asks again after a moment. "Seriously, Tiff?"

"Seriously." I hug my leather-stuffed pillow close to my body, imagining it. It's a scenario I've planned out in my mind for a while. I have to have a backup plan. I have to be able to take care of myself. Georgie and the others have commented on how I'm such a hard worker and I'm picking up on all the skills we've been taught so quickly. I can make a fire faster than anyone else. I can skin a carcass in no time flat. I can dig a pit trap. I can tan my own hides. I'm doing everything I can, because I don't want to be dependent on staying here.

Living on my own would be hard. Living with someone I don't like and letting them touch me? Ten times harder.

"I can't believe you'd just leave," Josie whispers, and she sounds heartbroken.

I feel guilty. She's taking it badly. I shouldn't have said anything. It's been a secret I've been harboring ever since we landed, and even being here almost a year and a half hasn't made me change my mind. I've accepted that we'll never go home, that I'm going to live on a planet full of ice for the rest of my life, and I'll never wear a bikini or shop at a mall or even have real shampoo ever again. I've made my peace with life here.

But I won't become someone's property to use and abuse ever again.

The sa-khui are wonderful to their mates, of course. Liz and Raahosh fight, but I think it's because they enjoy picking at each other. Aehako dotes on Kira, Vektal worships the ground Georgie walks on, and even Ariana's mate adores her. No one has an abusive mate.

But no one had a choice, either. And the others weren't raped by the aliens. Just me and Josie. Krissy was, but she died in the crash. Dominique was and it broke her mind. She ran out into the snow and froze to death because she was so terrified of it happening again. The others couldn't understand it.

I could.

I'm no good to anyone as a mate. I lock up in terror at the thought of someone touching me. I tried to be like Josie when we first got here. One night Rokan was flirting with me, inviting me to his furs. He's good-looking and easy on the eyes, and I was feeling vulnerable, so I went with him. The moment he touched me? I freaked out. I told everyone it was because of his spur and that I didn't know how to handle it. That I'd thought the spur was a joke. But we never even made it that far. The moment he caressed my shoulder, I lost my shit and ran away screaming.

Poor Rokan. He's never looked at me twice since. I can't blame the guy. I'm a head case.

I hear Josie sniff.

"Are you crying?" I demand.

"I just . . . I don't know what I'll do if you leave," she says sadly. "I can stand being alone because you're here with me and we're in this together. But if you leave, what do I do? I don't want to be the only one left behind."

I know what she means. To Josie, being the only one utterly rejected by her khui's attempts at matchmaking would be devastating. She so desperately wants love and family. Poor Josie. My heart squeezes in sympathy. "It won't matter," I tell her lightly. "You'll be too busy popping out babies for Tall, Dark, and Horny."

She giggles and then there's no more sniffling.

I feel better that she's no longer sad, and relax in my furs. We talk a little longer-though not about resonance-and eventually Josie drifts back off to sleep. I lie awake for a bit longer, because I know the moment I close my eyes, the dreams are going to return. They always do, and I'm not ready to face them. I'm never ready to face any of it.

I'll have to at some point, but for now, I'm putting things off as long as possible.


When the guard takes me back to the holding cell, the others are watching me with wide, solemn eyes. I can feel my lip puffing up from where he hit me, and I feel raw all over. I’m especially raw between my legs but I feel the most raw in my head, like something is broken and can’t be fixed no matter how I arrange my clothing so it looks like nothing happened.