A Royal Pain in the Burp #15

Chapter 1
 

 
“I want everyone to enjoy a big piece of my Monday-morning surprise,” Mrs. Kelly told the fourth-graders as she put plates on each of their desks. “It’s monkey bread! And it’s delicious.”
 
George Brown had never seen anything like this. It did not look delicious. It looked lumpy and brown.
 
“Is this bread made from monkeys?” George asked nervously.
 
Everyone in the class started laughing.
 
“No,” Mrs. Kelly assured him. “It’s made from flour, cinnamon, and sugar. Many people bake monkey bread, but this is my grandmother’s special recipe.”
 
“Why is it called monkey bread?” George asked.
 
“I don’t really know,” Mrs. Kelly admitted. “But some people say monkey bread got its name because it resembles the bark of the monkey puzzle tree.”
 
“What’s a monkey puzzle?” Max asked. “Is that like a jigsaw puzzle?”
 
Mrs. Kelly walked over to her computer and posted a picture on the smart board.
 
“This is a monkey puzzle tree,” Mrs. Kelly said, pointing to the picture of a tall evergreen tree with grayish-brown bark.
 
George looked at the picture. The tree didn’t look very much like the brown lump on the plate in front of him.
 
“Monkey bread’s delicious, dude,” said George’s friend Alex. “Try it.”
 
George wasn’t sure. But Alex had never lied to him. So George picked off a piece and took a bite.
 
“Mmmm . . . ,” George said. “That is good.” 
 
“Told ya,” Alex replied. He took a big bite of his monkey bread.
 
“This has raisins in it,” Sage said. “I’ve never had monkey bread with raisins before.”
 
“That’s how my grandmother made it in the bakery she ran,” Mrs. Kelly explained.
 
“Wow, I wish my grandmother ran a bakery,” George said. “Then I could get free cookies and cakes all the time.”
 
“I did,” Mrs. Kelly said. “I was very lucky. Growing up, many of my relatives were in the food business. Like my great-uncle Edgar. He ran an ostrich farm. So I got free ostrich eggs. Those eggs were huge. You could make an omelet that would feed three people with . . .”
 
George wanted to pay attention to what his teacher was saying. He really did. But he couldn’t. He was too focused on what his belly was saying.
 
Bing-bong. Ping-pong.
 
George’s tummy was making all kinds of noises. It was full of bubbles. Not just any kind of bubbles. Strong, crazy bubbles. The kind of bubbles that slam-danced against his stomach and boomeranged off his bladder.
 
Bubbles that could cause a lot of trouble if they burst out of him.
 
George had to keep himself from burping. Because if the burp got loose, there was no telling what horrible thing it would make him do. After all, the burp had gotten him in trouble plenty of times before.
 
It all started when George and his family had moved to Beaver Brook. George’s dad was in the army, and his family moved around a lot. So George knew that first days at school could be pretty rotten. But this first day was the rottenest.
 
In his old school, George had been the class clown. But George had promised himself that things were going to be different at Edith B. Sugarman Elementary School. No more pranks. No more goofing on teachers when their backs were turned.
 
Unfortunately, no one at George’s new school even noticed the non-funny new kid. They acted like he was invisible.
 
That night, George’s parents took him out to Ernie’s Ice Cream Emporium. While they were sitting outside and George was finishing his root beer float, a shooting star flashed across the sky. So George made a wish.
 
I want to make kids laugh—but not get into trouble.
 
Unfortunately, the star was gone before George could finish the wish. So only half came true—the first half.
 
A minute later, George had a funny feeling in his belly. It was like there were hundreds of tiny bubbles bouncing around in there. The bubbles ping-ponged their way into his chest, and bing-bonged their way up into his throat. And then . . . 
 
George let out a big burp. A huge burp. A SUPER burp!
 
The super burp was loud, and it was magic.
 
Suddenly George lost control of his arms and legs. It was like they had minds of their own. His hands grabbed straws and stuck them up his nose, making him look like a walrus. His feet jumped up on the table and started dancing the hokey pokey. Everyone at Ernie’s Emporium started laughing—except George’s parents, who were covered in the ice cream he’d kicked over while he was dancing.
 
The burp came back over and over again. And every time it did, it made a mess of things. A mess George got in trouble for. Which was why George couldn’t let that burp burst out of him now!
 
But the burp really wanted to come out and play.
 
Cling clang! Already the bubbles were kicking at his kidneys and climbing up his colon.
 
Twing twang! The bubbles twisted around his teeth and tickled his tongue.
 
And then . . . 
 
Uh-oh! The magical super burp was free. Now whatever the burp wanted to do, George had to do. And what the burp wanted to do was monkey around.
 
His mouth started making monkey sounds. “Ook, ook, ook!”
 
His arms started scratching at his fur . . . uh . . . er, skin.
 
His back curved. And his feet started bouncing up and down.
 
“George is getting all weird again!” Louie Farley told Mrs. Kelly.
 
George frowned. Louie was such a tattletale. Not that Mrs. Kelly had to be told. It was hard to miss all that ooking, scratching, and bouncing.
 
“Ook! Ook!” George said. 
 
His hands stopped scratching just long enough to grab a big hunk of monkey bread from Mrs. Kelly’s desk. Then he shoved the bread into his mouth.
 
“George, that’s rude!” Mrs. Kelly scolded. “Sit down now!”
 
George wanted to sit down. He really did. But George wasn’t in charge. The burp was. And it wanted to go ape!
 
“Ook! Ook!”
 
Scratch, scratch.
 
Pop!
 
Just then, George felt something burst in his belly. All the air rushed out of him. The super burp was gone. But George was still there, all bent over with his hands scratching his sides.
 
“Oooh. George is gonna get it now,” Louie told his pals, Max and Mike.
 
Mrs. Kelly sighed. She said, “I know monkey bread is delicious. Especially the first time you try it. But that’s no excuse for just grabbing it, George.”
 
George sat down and opened his mouth to say “I’m sorry.” And that’s exactly what came out.
 
Mrs. Kelly nodded. Then she continued with the lesson. “My grandmother and my great-uncle Edgar were fascinating people. But I’ll bet you don’t know why I told you about them.”
 
The kids all stared at her. They had no idea.
 
“Everyone has interesting people in their family,” Mrs. Kelly explained. “And you’re going to learn about your relatives when we study our family trees in social studies this week.”
 
“Social studies?” Max asked. “Didn’t we just study trees in science?”
 
“Family trees aren’t real trees,” Mrs. Kelly explained. “They’re your family history. I want each of you to research your family tree to find someone who did something unexpected or exciting.”
 
“What if everyone in our family tree is boring?” George asked.
 
“I’ll bet there’s someone in your family who did something surprising,” Mrs. Kelly assured him. “And you’re going to get to tell everyone in Beaver Brook about it on Friday night during our Family Tree Festival Assembly.”
 
“How are we going to fit everyone from Beaver Brook in the auditorium?” Mike asked.
 
“We’re not,” Mrs. Kelly assured him. “Your parents will be invited to come to the assembly. Everyone else can watch on TV at home. A reporter from Channel Forty-Seven News will be there to film your reports for a special they’re doing on family trees.”
 
That got George’s attention. TV was a huge deal. 
 
“Wow!” Julianna exclaimed. “That’s the news my family watches.”
 
“Mine too,” Sage said. “I love the way they make little frowny faces on the raindrops during the weather report.”
 
“I’m going to have to get a haircut if I’m going to be on TV,” Louie said. “I want to look good.”
 
George snickered. It would take more than a haircut to make Louie look good.
 
“How are we going to find out about our ancestors?” Alex asked Mrs. Kelly.
 
“You can start online,” Mrs. Kelly explained. “I will show you a website that locates documents that tell you where your relatives came from and what jobs they had.”
 
“I don’t need a website to tell me my relatives had important jobs that made a lot of money,” Louie said. “The Farleys are all important—and rich.”
 
“Don’t be so sure,” Mrs. Kelly warned Louie. “You never know what you may find out when you look into your history. Strange branches can be found on family trees.”
 
“Who knows what kind of strange things are hanging from George’s tree,” George heard Louie whisper to Max and Mike.
 
Alex must have heard it, too, because he whispered to George, “Louie’s a jerk.”
 
George laughed. “Yeah. They could have named beef jerky after the people on the Farley family tree,” he whispered back to Alex.
 
Then he shook his head. That couldn’t be right. Because beef jerky was pretty good. And there was nothing good about Louie Farley.